Highly Successful Relationship Formula (EAR&C) & Negative Influence in Relationship Failures.

Did you know, one of the Major reasons the Employees fail to focus or perform in his organisation has been Relationship issues at home. 

Yes, study shows when the Employee had problems with the spouse or family members at home, wasn't able to focus or deliver better in his job, it has impacted largely on his appraisals as well. One of the major issues and common these days is Marriages and love falling apart.

Few of the known people quote examples of Osho pertaining to relationships. I somehow feel Osho's thoughts are more seeded from western culture, deep rooted and suited to them, since we are slowly borrowing the western culture, we might feel his thoughts are suitable, the question is to what extent? I'm not contesting his thoughts, I may be too small to do that. I humbly differ from a few of his thoughts.

After having been in the HR & Process Consulting industry for 18 years now, One thing I can surely say is that copying a successful template or a framework as it is in anything doesn't guarantee success. It requires alignment of culture, the intensity, understanding, acceptability, feasibility and a lot more as a system.

Now coming onto one of the wonderful question one of my friends asked:

Why Marriages & Lovers/Partners fall apart?

Marriages and Lovers fall apart due to various reasons depending on the circumstances and what they are going through, however there are few definite reasons: 

Having been around dealing with people in my profession (CPO - Chief People Officer, HR Labs) group & one-to-one counselling & as an individual in the capacity of a Certified Counsellor (from Nimhans & ASK), would like to share my Relationship Formula that worked for people coming from across the country with varied culture, experience, beliefs & systems.

Good Relationship = (E+A+R) x C. 

E - Empathy, A - Adaptability, R - Respect & C - Communication

Completely missing out on EAR & C or any of these are absent in any relationship doesn't help togetherness, any Relationship, failed to Empathise the partner, or not being able to Adapt to the circumstances or not being Respectful and doesn't Communicate humbly/ failing in communicating effectively, there starts the dent in the relationship and leads to falling apart.

By and Large EAR&C formula should work, one should have EAR in mind while they communicate with partners, however there are some uncontrollable factors that worsens the relationship is social media’s bad influence. 

In the rapidly growing social era, a lot of feelings are shared in the form of Whatsapp status, FB status, Instagram sharing, what one fails to understand is, like I said earlier in the blog, copying what worked for one, will not work for you. We humans are interdependent, we live in a family, neighbours & community. Unfortunately some are headed in the wrong direction with a very individualistic feeling, I'm so independent, I don't need anybody, I don't care about anybody. Its I, Me, Myself kind of feeling. We see such posts and start associating ours with them. We really don't know what, that particular person has gone through, is it formally guided by the efficient counsellor, has it successfully worked for them, to what extent they worked on it, to what level or intensity it will work and what point will it reverse and destruct/ spoil the relationship, there are lot (of questions like these one should ask before associating or feeling “I'm also going through the same problem now, he or she was able to come out of this with this “Self Love” approach (thinking what a coincidence, very true, I think this will work). One should Never compare the other person's situation with self or another as they have grown up in different environments, different cultures, different belief systems etc, so the thinking abilities and analytical abilities are going to be different.  

Weak minded folks are largely influenced. It's Very unfortunate to see people understand the Words `Self Love’ wrongly and don't know to what extent it should be followed and at what point it becomes narcissistic in nature and feel it is still Self Love, it's sad to see people getting wrongly influenced and spoiling their relationship. When they don't have that self awareness, the partner will not be able to take more at one point of time he/she gives up. In this case it has done more damage than healing the individual. 

Here counsellors also play an important role. Understanding the real situation and helping them contemplate on the situation specifically helps them heal, not so well trained counsellors failing to communicate/ partial communication or failing to check their understanding is more problematic than before.

According to Experts in the industry, counsellors are not somebody who will recommend or suggest solutions, they only facilitate the client in examining, scrutinising & identifying the problems and help them find the solutions themselves and then guide them through.

My only feeling is that every individual realises & stops associating/comparing their problems with others and think it is the same and their solution will work for them. A Big NO, it DOESN'T. See how EAR&C can help them grow together in their relationship.

Wish all my readers a Good Day and Successful Relationship with their Partners.

- Muthu Kumar Acharya